Picture this, it’s Friday night so you hit the scene with a few of your buddies, dressed to impress, with the hope of meeting someone special. When you’re at the club, you start downing drinks so your confidence grows and midway through you spot a lady of interest. Insecure, overcome by limiting beliefs and afraid of rejection, you decide against approaching. You go home unfulfilled and unsatisfied only to repeat the process again on Saturday.
As bleak as this reality might seem, there is hope. Dating gurus, once in a similar situation, are extending their hands to those in need in hopes of guiding them toward overcoming their dating troubles (for a nominal fee, of course). Through seminars, literature and in-field workshops, these gurus promise to address shortcomings and direct students toward success with women.
Despite the bustling market, the topic of male dating advice remains taboo. Experts, instructors and students alike all refer to themselves through aliases. Please note that the characters mentioned in this article are no different and seemingly irrelevant information like age have been barred from reporting.
I, like many of you reading, have select areas of challenge with regard to dating. Approach anxiety has always been an issue. I also have the limiting belief that women of significant beauty are off limits and unapproachable, despite my attractive physical appearance. To overcome these insecurities, I turned to Real Social Dynamics.
Real Social Dynamics (RSD) is one of the industry’s leaders, which specializes in in-field workshops where coaches train clients to go from average guys to certified pimps in just three days. The RSD coaches spend a portion of time teaching technique, but the primary focus is the application of such “book smarts.” Instruction is personalized to address clients’ weaknesses and is very intimate with a single coach never instructing more than three students at a time. This helps to ensure that each student will walk away a changed man rather than the same guy with a few new pickup lines and $1,500 less in his pocket.
My experience with RSD began at a posh mid-town hotel, where I met my instructor Sam, two students and a RSD intern. Sam was a powerful young man, built like an offensive lineman with an aura that conveyed confidence and experience far beyond his years. He was not particularly personable, but as I would later discover, he did this because he had tremendous ground to cover in just a few days.
The two students came from drastically different paths. One was a successful businessman whose failed engagement from years prior left his dating game in the dust. The other was a greasy haired college senior, who decided to use his Atlantic City winnings to fund his transformation from average college dude to on-campus pimp. Sam would transform both into dating pros right before my eyes.
One of our first tasks was to walk around the hotel silent, repeating in our heads “I don’t give a fuck what anyone thinks about me.” This mentality, it was assumed, would help lower the wall of anxiety and make us less prone to the pain of rejection. Alongside this was the idea that your own personal value determines the value of those you attract. So if you see yourself as a seven out of ten, you will only be able to attract women who are sevens. Like soldiers responding to a drill sergeant, when asked “What are you?” we were instructed to loudly proclaim, “A fucking ten!” Silly as it may appear on paper, it seemed to work.
Eager to experiment yet still a bit skeptical, we headed to the eastside. By the time my taxi arrived at the location, the two students had already approached their first set. The apprentices took to the game like fish to water. It was truly incredible. An hour earlier, they had listed approach anxiety as a major obstacle, but with the help of Sam (and perhaps the motivation behind their monetary commitment) it was no longer an issue. As the night progressed, Sam evaluated each interaction, noted shortcomings, provided solutions and guided the students toward escalating each step.
By the close of day one, the younger student left with several numbers (one taken in front of a boyfriend), while the other had a couple numbers and one with extremely strong potential for further relations. I did not find much success due to my extreme selectivity, but I did enjoy opening a set of interns from the fashion industry. Shortly after I left the conversation, a beautiful young woman opened me. How’s that for social proof?
Day two followed the same structure as day one, only the focus turned from approaching to making out and possibly completing the deal. For this we hit the lower eastside, where the potential for such physical relations appeared significantly greater. The secret to this was to implore the same techniques learned the previous day, but also to dramatically shorten the distance between you and the target to the point that you’re mere inches apart. When combined with triangular gazing (a technique derived from our limbic system), the result is often a kiss and perhaps much more.
Once again, both students left with phone numbers and the younger student succeeded with the make out assignment. Interestingly, while the intern and I observed their courting rituals, two British women approached us looking for fun. They came to the right place… however, the conversation quickly turned to alcohol as they implied we buy them a round. No, no, no. In a flash, the intern responded appropriately with “We don’t buy girls drinks,” resulting in their immediate departure. Newsflash: Chicks play guys for drinks. Note: A pimp does not buy drinks for women. They buy drinks for him.
Day three involved an entirely different dimension: daytime gaming. From afar, the notion of approaching during the daytime might seem unnatural, dangerous, awkward, and potentially more embarrassing. According to the RSD folks, this could not be further from the truth.
Substituting in as our coach was Rocky, a newly trained instructor who had just completed a grueling two-week initiation process. In contrast to Sam, Rocky was tall and wire-thin. His style of dress was minimalist with a nice pair of jeans and undershirt, topped by an old Yankees hat that concealed his hair that had gone four days without washing (two girls over those days). Also his nose dripped incessantly due to having undergone nasal surgery the previous week. Despite his less than stellar appearance, his attitude and commitment was beyond impressive. He was tremendously enthusiastic, genuine and determined to deliver as a coach. As he instructed us on technique, routine, and the courting process, the students hurriedly scribbled down notes as they tried to take down every crucial point.
Following the valuable instruction was what we all signed up for… the makeover! Perhaps that was not the leading motivator for signing up, but the students certainly needed the consultation. One student showed up in a bland, Hawaiian patterned shirt – the type elderly people wear just before they pass away. The other fared no better and wore a painfully ugly orange polo shirt supported from below by clunky sneakers that featured different colored laces.
Luckily, a quick visit to a trendy boutique transformed the oddballs into far more fashion-intelligent pickup artists. Rocky, along with two interns, helped guide the students on what styles fit their bodies and by the end, they were fully transformed both internally and externally.
Fortunately for me, Rocky took me in as a student and wanted to see me in action (previously, I was more of an observer with the intern). I immediately recognized that this could have great potential. After he provided me with a couple openers, it was off to Washington Square Park where I would experience both the weekend’s high and low points.
With Rocky’s faith in me, I approached a woman who sat alone reading a copy of Business Week. Easy, right? Not exactly. After I opened with the suggested situational opener, I inquired as to what she was reading. Innocent, right? Nope. Like a rabid dog backed into a corner, she scowled “I don’t like to be bothered.” My immediate ejection was welcomed with support from the guys only to be followed by dropped jaws after reporting that she did not like to be bothered.
Visibly shaken and ready to call it quits, Rocky took me under his wing and opened another girl only to answer a fake phone call and leave me alone with the prospect. After an hour of laughing, teasing, deep eye contact and applying the tips taught by RSD, I had her number. When I rejoined the squad, my performance was analyzed and evaluated, only for Rocky to conclude that I could have completed the deal that day. Nice to know…
Although we were only together for three days, it felt weird saying goodbye to the clients and instructors. It was like we were all graduating into manhood. The students who began as lost guys left as accomplished, confident and secure men. They no longer felt uncomfortable approaching women and, in many cases, succeeded with those they approached. Without hesitation, I can say that in only three days RSD was responsible for developing their dating lives well beyond what they were able figure out elsewhere or on their own.
Above all the instruction and experiences, the most valuable advice came from Sam on day one. To paraphrase, he said, “Do you know why fat chicks are fat? It’s because it’s easy. They want to be thin and know that life would be better. The problem is that when they exercise and diet, their bodies go through so much pain, they quickly stop and return to the comfort of television and Häagen-Dazs. The same goes for dating. The beginning is really uncomfortable, but over time it will all come together.”
Every weekend, RSD conducts bootcamps in New York, Los Angeles, London, and Sydney similar to the one chronicled in this article. Thousands of clients have attended their live programs as young as fifteen years old all the way up to men in their seventies (if that is not testament to their trainings, I don’t know what is). Also, be on the lookout for the group’s first published book The Blueprint being released later this summer. If it is anything like the Jay-Z album, you will be picking up H to the Izzos in no time.
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