Sometimes sex is just sex. Not about hearts and flowers but about connecting right there, that minute, with someone with whom you share an attraction. Many of us have been in that scenario, and it can be incredibly fun. Still, there’s always been a certain negativity attached to the booty call and the one night stand.
That negativity is not only unfair, it’s unnecessary. Not every sexualencounter has to be about happily ever after. Sometimes, it can just be about having no-strings-attached fun. The key, though, is being respectful. If you are going to be “naughty,” be a naughty gentleman.
“I’ve always said there’s a difference between a player and a playboy. Players have to lie to get what they want. A playboy can get what he wants with the truth. There is nothing wrong with explaining to a woman that you are very attracted to them and you want to show them a great time,” says dating and relationship expert Steve Ward of Master Matchmakers. “Women would rather be told the truth than to be patronized. Sure, there’s a chance that she may be holding out hope that she’s the one who can settle you down. There’s also a chance she may summarily dismiss you. But she could also be up for an adventure with a guy she feels she can trust,” says Ward.
So, if you want to have your hookup, go for it. Just treat her fairly and honestly. “Not all women want to be in relationships either so you’re better off making no assumptions than making the wrong assumptions. Honesty, no matter how difficult or uncomfortable it may be, usually prevails,” says Ward.
Opt out of that last drink
Yes, drunk sex is one of those things that sounds fun in theory, but is actually a sloppy, messy disaster. Sure those last few shots seemed like a good idea, and now you’re uber confident and super loose, but those Jaeger bombs are going to hit you where it hurts: Right in the genitals. “Whiskey dick is real, ladies and gents! And even if the equipment is working, there’s no guarantee that you will be able to hit the right spots, keep the rhythm or ward off the spins when you switch from doggie style to cowgirl position,” says Dr. Emily Morse, sexologist and host of Sex with Emily . Also, how likely are you to remember to use a condom when you can barely remember your room number? Exactly.
Stop associating sleazy with effective
“There’s a stereotype that the sleazy, creepy player is the guy who gets girls, but I see this type of guy when I’m out, and his approach simply doesn’t work,” says executive dating and relationship coach Todd Valentine. Trust is an important component when it comes to taking a girl home. The girl has to trust you, and sometimes, even more crucial, the girl’s friends have to trust you. So don’t walk up to a girl, spouting pickup lines; be real and be you.
Maintain your cool
She is evaluating your potential the minute your eyes meet and “eager beaver can be the collapse of a dam,” says writer Harold Williams, Jr. Too much emphasis on sex in the conversation can take you from 0 to creepy in the matter of one sentence. Also, comfortable is key: The more comfortable in the situation you are, the more comfortable she will be. “If someone makes a dirty joke or a witty ‘That’s what she/he said’ pops up, don’t be afraid to laugh about it and use that to break the ice. Remember to maintain balance and don’t overdo it, says Williams.