When that cute guy you were making eyes at all night doesn’t ask you out or even come up to say hi, it can feel like a rejection. But a lot of times, the reason a guy isn’t making his move isn’t because he doesn’t want to…
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Men, just like us, have insecurities and fears about dating, and sometimes they need a push to put themselves out there. Enter dating coaches. While I’m not always a fan of popular methods on how to “score hot women,” these coaches who advise guys about women hold a valuable piece of information that’s really useful to women: all the reasons guys seek their help in the first place. Todd Valentine, a dating and relationships coach for men and chief of Real Social Dynamics Inner Circle, shared some of the most common fears his clients have, and how women can help ease a guy’s fears and encourage him (if you want to, that is!)
1. He doesn’t feel good enough for you.
“One of the most common questions I get asked is: ‘What makes me special? I feel like a pretty girl has so many other better guys to choose from.’ Guys, like women, are inundated with stereotypes and expectations about what kind of lifestyle we should have and be able to offer a girl,” says Todd. “This high bar leaves a lot of guys feeling inadequate, and many great guys end up not approaching girls as a result.”
How you can help him out: “Womankind in general can do a lot by not perpetuating the stereotype that every guy should be like the Old Spice dude,” Todd says. “I think it’s fair to say, most of you would prefer an interesting and ambitious guy over a walking Brooks Brothers stereotype. So don’t be afraid to let men in on that secret.”
2. He has no idea what to say to you.
According to Todd, a lot of men find their minds going completely blank when they’re trying to think of what to say once they’ve approached a girl. “There is so much pressure on crafting that first sentence, but, in reality, any opening line that doesn’t provoke an immediate slap can work if the conversation backing it up is compelling,” he says.
How you can help him out: Give him a conversation opener, or make eye contact and smile a lot to be welcoming. But perhaps most important, give a guy a chance to overcome his initial awkwardness. “Give him a 20-second grace period,” advises Todd. “That way, if you reject him, it’s him you’re rejecting—not the frog in his throat or his adrenaline-induced stammering.”
3. He’s unsure of whether you’re into him.
Even guys who don’t get nervous about talking to girls can freeze up when it comes to actually taking the next step. “No guy likes putting his neck out if he’s not absolutely sure a girl is into him,” Todd says. Men are afraid of coming across as “the creepy guy” if they get rejected.
How you can help him out: “Girls, the best thing you can do is to give guys more indicators,” Todd suggests. “It’s OK to show interest (I promise). If the guy has more to work with, he’ll know whether he can take the conversation out of the friend zone.”
And, of course, even a men’s dating coach agrees that instead of sitting around waiting for him to come to you, you can take matters into your own hand by starting the conversation yourself. Todd says that saying something, anything, to a guy can be enough of an invitation to encourage him to make a move.
Are you surprised to know guys feel this way? Do you make an effort to encourage guys to flirt with you?
Ready to take matters into your own hands? Try this: The Best 4 Ways to Approach Men